A LETTER TO MY EX

Nana Akua,

I will not be your next and your next will never be me.

Sorry, let me come clearer. I mean, I will not be like your next, and he will not be like me. We shall be different, so don’t even bother comparing us. Some of you girls believe that all men are the same. That is far from the truth.  So, don’t believe it.

It is not rare to find people at the mercy of other people’s past experiences in relationships. Nana, don’t judge him based on my flaws. Neither should you have any wrong preconception about him based on your experience with me. Allow him to prove himself. Akua, I know I faulted many times, but I loved you all the same. Sometimes, I saw the errors gazing at me and I know you saw them too. I am human, Nana. I am not flawless, neither will he. It will be in your best interest to give him a chance to work out his affection for you.

Our love affair may have ended but you know that we are certainly not enemies. However, wisdom teaches us to keep some distance and allow each other to look ahead at the new direction we have taken. But I thought it wise to write you this letter because I want the very best for you. Not that I want to remind you of the memories we shared. No! I will only refer to our past in this letter for the lessons I want to share with you.

Since we parted ways, I have been studying much lately about the mistakes many people make when they are moving on from a failed relationship to a potential one. In as much as I want to avoid these mistakes in my next relationship, hopefully, I want you to avoid them too.

Nana, the first mistake is not getting over your ex before you move to your next. The vacuum a break-up leaves in our hearts is real and can be hard to live with. I guess this is no news to you. We both have firsthand experience of it.  Due to this vacuum, there is always a temptation to get someone to fill the space as soon as possible.

I know that by now many guys are striving to fill the void my absence has created. And that is expected because you are a nice person, and you know it. I perceive the time we used to chat is being occupied by some other people. It is the same at my end too. But I have learnt that we are prone to making mistakes in our choices when we are too “needy” of love and affection. Time heals, they say, so take some time to completely get over us before considering another relationship. Don’t be pressured by anyone into anything you are not truly ready for. Don’t even allow your own heart and need for affection to push you ahead of yourself.

Another thing you must know, Nana Akua, is that it’s hard to get through a relationship without at least one mistake. We are human so we err sometimes. And while it is painful to have hurt each other with the mistakes of the past, our next relationships won’t be immune to our previous mistakes if we don’t properly assess ourselves and take steps to prevent repeating them.

Don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying we are doomed to repeat mistakes of the past. But I am saying that any one of us can easily fall into the same or similar patterns of mistakes if we are not aware of our flaws of the past that contributed to our break up.

Lest I forget, Akua, you are beautiful, and there are many young men out there who will be interested in having you to satisfy their lustful desires. They will pretend to be in love with you. And they can do many things to prove their so-called love but, in the end, they will seek to lure you into their beds. I am not even talking about the worldly guys. I am referring to some of the brethren who profess the same faith with us. So be sober and watchful, and let the Holy Spirit lead you in all things. Don’t trivialize the alluring power of the old and married men too. Our world has gone that bad.

And when the Lord finally leads you to find a new lover don’t forget to ensure absolute sexual purity in your relationship. I hope you remember some of the boundaries we had concerning our physical involvement when we were together. They were very healthy and helpful. I am glad we were able to keep ourselves pure and never allowed even a hint of immorality around us. Breaking up would have been even more painful for us if we had been involved sexually, and you may even have felt like I took advantage of you.

Nana, you know there are some people (including some brethren in the faith) who believe it is not possible to keep a relationship without any sexual involvement between the lovers. But you know the truth, that our relationship was completely fornication-free. We were together for two years without even a kiss or any unhealthy touching. I haven’t forgotten your sincere love for God, and your strong desire for purity of heart, mind and body. So, I encourage you not to compromise on your holy convictions for anything or anyone. I have many things to share with you but for now, I want you to pay attention to these few.

I may not be writing you a letter like this ever again and so I recommend that you read more, seek to grow wisdom daily, and never forsake godly counsel.

I wish you the very best of everything.

Lowly,

NKOG