FREE AT LAST

While I was growing up, my friends use to mock me because I didn't have the courage to approach a lady for a relationship. This was true due to the fact that I was raised by parents who frowned on immorality. Not only did they object to that but they also practically demonstrated it.

My elder siblings walked in purity and played active role in church. They were highly respected and their life seem a model for many young people. The standard set were too good for me to compromise. The onus was on me to either maintain or even raise the bar high. I was doing my best to walk in moral integrity till the roof caved in. At age 14, a lady of about 20 lured me to an uncompleted building, tried to play with my desire for sex. She succeeded and I had my first sexual encounter with her. I was sad and disappointed in myself but I confessed and asked for mercy. When the weight of regret was lifted after some days. This same lady repeated the trick. Initially I thought I could overcome but before I realized I was under her control. She capitalized on my weakness as a young boy and manipulated me to satisfy her burning desire. This act was repeated over and over again till my system made adjustment. A time came where I was rather initiating the process and she never refused me.

All this while, no one was aware except we two. I couldn't tell anyone even though I needed help. There were times I cried all night seeking mercy from heaven but the next major event will be for me to go for another round of sex. I appeared angelic on the outside but on the inside, I was felt so dirty. I knew I was struggling but the question was, “who will save me from this mess?”

Four years later, my sex mate travelled and that seem to bring a relieve. Little did I know that the appetite initiated will hunt me later. While she was absent, I had no one to gratify my desire for sex. I don't know how it happened but I turned my appetite to pornography and masturbation. I knew it was wrong but I seem to have no option. I thought it was better than looking for another lady. I spent hours downloading and watching all forms of pornography in large volumes. The obvious was that, anytime I watch I couldn't resist but masturbate to climax the act. This grew worse to the point that sometimes I had to masturbate many times a day. I knew I was sinking and stinking but I kept on doing because I was under its control. After every act, I regret and promise myself never to do it again. I appear a winner for a while but after some few days or weeks I go back to the mess again. I kept on doing this all through my days in the high school and university.

“Should I talk to someone about it? Who will that be? Will he or she accept me just as I am and genuinely help me?” These were the questions I was battling with. I went online for materials to help me quit this mess but they seem helpful only for a while.

I was 25 years old, completed university and had work for 2 years when I began to reflect on my life. I had spent about 10 years living in sexual immorality. It's been 10 years of hard time, back and forth war that never seem to end. I had wrestled with my flesh but still appeared a victim. I looked back and all I could see were wasted opportunities, energy, time, money, sperms and other resources. How I wish it never happened. My parents and many others were proud of me because to them I was living a descent life but that was far from truth.

The issue of marriage pooped up and somehow, I was happy because I thought marriage will loose the shackles. I had a beautiful virgin as my wife. I never slept with her till the wedding night. After our wedding my fear of she finding out that I was addicted to pornography and masturbation increased. She got pregnant and from the 7th month of the pregnancy went to live with her mother. It was there that I resorted to pornography and masturbation again. When she came back after delivery, I had gone deeper into the mess. I tried to tell her my struggles several times but I run out of courage anytime I made an attempt.

My wife is a prayerful and a spiritual Christian woman. She somehow got to know about my mess but was on the lookout for evidence. One day, we had a quarrel. I was at fault but masculinity didn't allow me to apologize. In the night, I requested for sex but was I not allowed to 'appear before the throne.' I took my phone and went to the hall at midnight to watch pornography and masturbate. Just when I was drawing near ejaculation, suddenly, someone snatched the phone from behind me. Oh, what a shameful night it was. My wife caught me right in the act.

The next morning, she sat me down and requested every truth about my use of pornography. I hid no details, I told her everything and wept like a baby. While I shed tears, she wrapped her arms around me prayed heartily for me. I had never felt so much relief for the past 15 years since I began the journey of immorality. I started a therapeutic journey to remedy my long years of addiction. And by divine intervention, coupled with the love and support of my wife, I gradually overcame this long-standing addiction. Free at last, free at last! The chains are broken! For the past 3 years, I have never watch pornography, and masturbation has become a thing of the past. All glory to God.

The lesson I learnt from my personal struggle with immorality is this, the "I CAN OVERCOME IT ALL BY MYSELF" never works. When I opened up to my wife and another Christian brother for support and accountability, everything started working in my favor. You don’t have to wait to have a wife/husband to confide in. Admit that the challenge is over you, gather courage, swallow your pride and seek help from people you can trust. Trust me, it works! Don’t die in this battle alone. We can be your ally. Contact The Separated Youngsters on separatedyoungsters@gmail.com