The choices of the addict

'Next to the bestowal of life itself, the right to direct that life is God’s greatest gift to man' - this quote illustrates the importance of choices. Your freedom to choose is one of the most significant powers you have and also a crucial point in sexual purity.

Today, on lessons on pornography  IV, we will discuss the choices of the addict. We kindly ask that you visit the previous lessons on our blog to catch up from where we began if you're new here.

Let’s start by emphasizing on a point we alluded earlier. Remember how we discussed the idea that 'viewing temptation’ comes to all men? We ended by saying that when you acknowledge the temptation as normal and just 'a thought'  it takes away the shame and guilt and allows us to deal with it subconsciously.

Have you noticed that when we are told by someone that we must not do something, we typically rebel? This is because we don’t like being compelled to do something by others. We also don’t like being forced by ourselves. When you tell yourself you must not give in; you attempt to compel yourself to act in a certain way, depriving yourself of your freedom to choose. When you take power from yourself through compelling statements, you give the power to the temptation. But remember, you can always choose.

Let me make this bold statement here; you always have a choice – you aren’t required to do anything. I pray that you feel the truth of this statement even if you haven't thought of it before. Most of us believe we lacked self-discipline of not being able to follow through when we told ourselves we must quit.

Yes, we were rebelling against a statement of force. When you tell yourself you must not give in, you will rarely be able to get the temptation out of your mind and will succumb to it.

“When you say “must” or “have to” to yourself, you give your power to the temptation and then you’re rarely able to overcome it. You’re lying to yourself. You don't have to do anything. You have a choice all the time. Even a prisoner can choose not to follow orders. He may suffer severe consequences, but he still has a choice.

Another important concept of free choice is the ability to change decisions. If when you make a choice, you are required to stick with that choice for the rest of your life, then you’ve taken away all future choices. This is against the nature of free choice. If you make choices that can’t be changed in the future, what have you done to your power to choose?

You may be confused right now thinking that; commitment is an integral part of overcoming pornography, so I guess you have to make a choice not to view. What then does that do to your future freedom to choose? Let me come with the answer- it takes it away. Once you start feeling deprived, you then begin to feel like a victim and inaugurate using victim language and feeling sorry for yourself. Then you’re left with fighting the temptation instead of accepting it and choosing your actions. This cycle almost always ends in succumbing to the temptation.

So the next time the temptation to view hits you, know a simple truth that every decision you make is momentary. You make a decision for this instance only and no other. You preserve your right to choose differently in all future cases.
This solution does not deny your prior commitment but tells the fundamental truth that you can always choose to violate that commitment, so you still maintain your freedom to choose your actions, no matter what the circumstances are.
Choosing once in the form of a commitment can help us establish what we want in life and then make the choices that are consistent with getting there, but we succeed when we are free to choose each time.

I believe that those who are not addicted can choose once and then re-confirm that decision upon future temptations. But it doesn't work for addicts. Maybe it's because we've tried and failed so many times at long-term commitments that we know subconsciously that doing so again is a failure path. Regardless of the reason, realizing that we are free to choose differently every time gives us power.
This feeling of freedom gives you power, the power that you long ago relinquished to the temptation, often with the thought, 'This is the last time.' But it never was the last time. Your freedom to choose differently was gone. The time has come to take it back, and you're almost there! God bless you.

Before we go from here, there’s a better way to dealing with this addiction, it is tried and tested, proven and highly recommendable. For help and counselling on any sexual issue email us on seperatedyoungsters@gmail.com. You can also share your testimony via the email above