I JUST WANTED TO BE HIS QUEEN

Love is such a powerful force. You really feel it when you feel it. It can suspend time, making the whole world seem still except for you two. It feeds you more than any nourishment. It'll sweep you up into the whirlwind, an infinite tunnel that never leaves you completely free. I hoped that he was staying too, anyway, a wish.

He gave me goosebumps with his smile. The way he spoke gave me butterflies. Words fall short every time I describe how special I felt around him. When I think of safety, no place describes this than his arms. I will always run into without thinking twice. I keep reading dictionaries, but no single word explains what it is he did to me. I was so in love. 

This was the feeling until I finally accepted it; tears tingled on the last piece of stick that joined the spark of the fire in our love relationship.

‘I cling because I care, it hurts you don't want me and my attention. It hurts when you don't see your future in me, but I see my life in you. How can we connect if we don’t communicate anymore? We live miles apart, isn’t that enough space for you. Do you really have to ask for more? Stop pushing me away because I might let go. Why is it easy to let me go because you always knew I would be coming back to you? A pain in my heart and tears in my eyes, I taught I was immune to this kind of feeling.’- He wasn't someone who ignores my message, but to this very one, he did.

When love grows sour, nothing stinks like the aroma it exudes. It tasted sour as Vinegar.  I gave too much, and the returns are not something to write home about.  I now carry a heavy heart on a skinny chest.

I wanted to be his Queen. To be treated like one, being apprehended with flowers and being told how tired he was to discover something as lovely as myself. To escape the screens of our phones and be taken to his favorite places, dinners, beaches, bookstores and wherever he wanted. But it was all wishes because I will not give in.

I wasn’t complying with some of his demands. I couldn’t exchange a wholesome conversation with profanity whenever we had our midnight chats because it will eventually manipulate me with its seductive power. I thought a queen was better worth than a sex machine. I felt God didn’t design me to be a great girlfriend, but an excellent wife. If I couldn’t stand up for this belief, who else will stand for me?

All he wanted was sex, and I fell in love with him. I now know I didn’t qualify for his league. I just wanted to be his queen, and now I leave my pillow full of tears. Am I this hungry for attention and approval?  Should I toss my dignity and modesty to the wind?

NO! I chose purity; what would you have chosen?

We are called to reflect God's radiant beauty and not our fellow man's sex appeal. God's prescription for the interaction between male and female is simple: it is to be marked by all purity.( 1 Timothy 5:2). God calls us to be holy as He is holy. And He equips us by His Spirit to live the sparkling pure and upright life that we could never live on our own. I urge you to prayerfully consider what avenues you are currently allowing into your heart and mind that glorifies sexual sin and lust.

 If you have become trapped in a pattern of lust and sensuality, God wants something better for you. He is not looking at you in disgust and anger; rather, He is gently and tenderly calling you to repent and turn from this sin. I would encourage you to take a focused time to repent of all impurity that has been allowed into your life, let God's Spirit wash your soul clean, and then purge every remnant of sexual immorality from your life.

It can be beneficial to recruit a trusted accountability partner whom you can meet regularly with for prayer and support. Be aggressive and ruthless in removing all that stands in the way of God’s fullness for you as His set-apart princess and prince. Every step you take out of the darkness and into His marvelous light will be more than worth it.

For help and counselling on any sexual issue email us on seperatedyoungsters@gmail.com